Archives for: March 2008, 10



Permalink 08:09:51 pm, Categories: Random Verbosities..., 313 words   English (NZ)

Life... and is there obesity in heaven?

Obesity... the invisible scurge of our nation. Its lipophilic tentacles traverses through all walks of life, from young to old, rich and poor, the wise and the not-so-wise. Its cold, cruel existence serves only one single and simple purpose - to screw you over anyway that it can. Heart attacks, diabetes, peripheral vascular disease, premature arthritis, aortic aneurism and stroke to just name a few. Not only that, one also ends up with a body odur not too dissimilar to liquid shoe polish. Once you've died from its McCombo clutches and reaches heaven, will you still be obese?

Here are a few reason why I don't think there will be:
1. given that people are already dead before they go to heaven, the word 'obesity' loses value as it no longer determines a morbid outcome for the individual; for the morbid outcome has already occured. Similar words would also include 'arrogant git', 'suicide bomber', and 'Hitler'.

2. Given that people seem to glide over surfaces so easily in heaven (as depicted by common Hollywood movies), it would stand to reason that heaven has no gravity and all is weightless. If something is weightless, how can it be obese?

3. How does one weigh a spirit in heaven? To start, my heaven certainly won't have bathroom scales.

4. Given that we won't actually need to eat to keep ourselves alive, will there be food in heaven? If there is no food in heaven, how can people get fat?

5. If there is food in heaven, it is no doubt the most devine cuisine ever created. Surely of all places, heaven would be the place where we can ingest and digest all we'd like without being overweight.

6. Given our current culture and established fashion sense, once we die we'd probably be upgraded with bulging biceps, ample abdominals and thunder thighs.

7. What would Jesus eat? Thats probably the food available in heaven.


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