Archives for: December 2006, 29



Permalink 12:03:42 pm, Categories: Boy / Girl etc etc., 365 words   English (NZ)

Life... and the joys of aging...

29/12/06 @ 09:16:48 am by dr.bill (dr.bill, level:10)
Categories: Random Verbosities...

There is a gargantuan fissure on my forehead - cruel fate has placed it for all to see. If it is any bigger it would form a malevolent smile and mouth the words "you turn twenty-eight today". A normal person would say it is just a wrinkle, and Michael Jackson's hard white mica skin texture is just an unfortunate acquired albino disease.

I stand in front of the mirror at Hallensteines holding a ghastly fluorescent green top, debating if it will accentuate my youth or my Yoda-like maturity. I decide it was neither. Instead, what it would really accentuate is my own psychotic semantic attachments to aging. If I stare at the shirt hard enough I can see it laughing at me - I think psychiatrists call it Schizophrenia. If I convinced myself that buying the shirt would be a good idea, I fear the shirt would not be the only one that laughs - my psychiatrist and many of their colleagues would no doubt also join in.

I now officially hate shopping.

I think I'd rather be morbidly obese while retaining my youthful good looks, it will certainly be better than having an acceptable BMI while putting a deposit on my walking frame. At least the few more pounds can be expedited in numerous ways: lipo suction, stomach stapling, psychological conditioning and hypnotism to name just a few. To fight the ravages of aging? There only appears to be make-up and Womens' Weekly Magazines, both of which I have developed a deadly allergy to. The war has been lost even before it was conceived.

The solution? Perhaps I can just hang out with people who look older than me. This is easy, some overtime work in the rest home would suffice nicely. Or alternatively I can just come to accept that aging, like breathing air and acquired albino diseases, is a natural part of living a healthy few decades.

There appears to be a rest home position available in Christchurch for people who would like to join me on my quest for lost youth... I would welcome you all on my long intrepid journey.


Christchurch Bachelor

Ever wanted to gnaw your way into the deep, dark recess of your typical Christchurch Bachelor? Knaw no more my good visitor! For here lies the answer for your every inkling and festering question. Read... for your answers lie within...

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