Category: News



Permalink 06:54:25 pm, Categories: News, 409 words   English (NZ)

Life... and with all its possible January ruminations...

January was a fine month. People often say 'fine' to lament upon the boring atrocities that might have happened during their day. However in this case, I use 'fine' with sheer respect to Carmen Electra's sultry chest melons and the new Jaguar XKR - hot, fiesty and filled with steamy X-rated adventure to the proverbial brim.

Work is going well. Shakespear would probably compare it to a mid-summers twilight, and gaggle forth some soliloqui about comfort, hope and freedom. With this job, I can actually have a chat to my clients about whatever I want to talk about; whether it be about their job, spouse, or just a leisure banter about their warped dietary habits. Every now and again, I might actually solve their problems. Occassionally there might also be some form of cortical thinking and tea drinking involved in between consultations. And I've discovered something here-in that I've never managed to discover before...

I love tea. If there is a way to get a pseudo-British citizenship by drinking tea, I'm sure I'd be the first person to achieve it. In fact, by the way I'm drinking they'll probably start to put warning labels for pregnant women on the packaging; thats quite an achievement since I'm neither woman, or pregnant. Seriously, here is a lesson for all you coffee drinkers out there - instead of polluting your body with toxic levels of caffine, why not do it with more class and drink tea instead?

Not to be entirely biased, but the women in Christchurch are also more mature, with less issues, and more fun to be around. Somewhere in there I should also probably mention they also present themselves better; not in a British 'oh poor peasant-slave, bring me my gin and tonic' kind of way. But just with a touch more R.F.H. - Relaxed Feminine Hippiness. I think there might also be a touch less facial hair down south as well, but I have not yet conducted a randomised trial to confirm or deny my theories. For the moment, lets just trust my male intuition for now.

So what more can a man ask for really? Besides a wife who just happens to be a Swedish stripper with an executive chefs' degree tucked seductively in her G-string? And which breed of men would not flock to Christchurch for the described sumptious deliciousness of life? If they're lucky, there might just be a lonely bird left before they're all gone...



Permalink 11:53:15 pm, Categories: News, 453 words   English (NZ)

Life... and its tid bits of missing pieces...

To encapsulate the entirety of what has happened in the last year in one concerted effort would be a most mammoth task. In sheer literary terms it would perhaps compare to the likes of 'The Iliad' or 'Odyssey'. Only without the sweaty abs, the scantly clad Greek women and a little three lettered word called 'war'. So all in all, my story could be somewhat bland, something that one might perhaps come across in your grandmother's bi-weekly subscription of Knitting Secrets (for People with Cataracts). But hey, last time I checked woollen jerseys are filled with warm fuzzies and all the fluorescent colours of the rainbow.

I returned to Palmerston North for work. Or in truth, I actually returned to Palmerston North because of my incessent fear for my festering mortgage. Having a mortgage feels much like an itch in the middle part of your back - the part of your back where through millions of years of our primate evolution we have lost the ability to reach with our spindly arms and supposedly useful opposable thumbs. Unfortunately for us, the only way the itch will stop its cruel supernatural torment is for us to pit ourselves aganinst the dark abyss of work, and all the rest it offers.

Fortunately for me, the dark abyss wasn't actually too bad.

My friends were all still there. I love them. I love them because they're like pets who would obediently stay at home, clean themselves and cook great food while you're away. Joseph also had a rather impressive collection of alcohol and tried his very best to give me fulminant liver failure as a parting gift. Luckily for me, my many years of binge drinking as an Otago undergraduate student prepared me for such darstardly plans. I will also miss the cigars, the poker, and Kevin's generous supply of plum wine.

For some strange and bizarre reason it was also the year where the majority of my friends and collegues decided to leave the fine city for bigger and brighter pastures. I see half of them have decided to migrate to Auckland - the land of the long white traffic. I think they've made a mistake. I think I might miss them.

Work itself was ok. But I have come to the realisation that it really wasn't quite me. There just happens to be quite a few things I'd like to do and I can't seem to find the time should I keep commiting myself to a daily barrage of the mundane. So in sheer coincidence I have also come to the conclusion that there maybe a greener pasture awaiting for me elsewhere... like here, in Christchurch - where I might just have the perfect plan for myself...



Permalink 07:35:57 am, Categories: News, 396 words   English (NZ)

Life... and Never Ending Story Too

Deeply apologetic for the lack of posts recently. But just to briefly recap my recent happenings:

1. I found a house.
The house is situated a mere 3 minutes drive or 10 minutes walk away from home. Which suits the paracitic urge to leech off my parents should I decide to move in. What is perhaps more exciting is that the owner still needs a resource consent for the garage to bedroom conversion. Yes. What a wanker. If all goes well it will be all mine in March. If not, then I will be immensely pissed off.

Just as a note, I don't think I am ever 'immensely pissed off' as such. Think of what Kramer from Seinfield looked like when he was unsatisfied with lifes' various happenings, I think thats pretty much me when things tick me the wrong way.

2. I got my learners.
Yes. Learners licence. For the motorbike I don't have quite yet. I remain cautious about the whole exercise, which is comforting as I have no inclination to follow the footsteps of humankind: which is essentially finding and inventing new ways of destroying itself. I think having brunch always makes me more philosophical than I really need to be.

Note: it appears that I passed the basic training test with flying colours.
Side note two: Nick, I ran into Doug in AA while I was sitting my learners. You'd be happy to know that I aced the test so you won't be too embarassed by associating yourself with me. Not much anyway. Maybe.

3. I've started going to the gym.
Or the sweaty emporium as I sometimes elegantly put it. The place is attached to Jelly Park swimming pool, and for a simple and somewhat affordable admission fee of $8 I can have access to the gym and the pool in one foul swoop. Perhaps some time is needed in the gym first before I take up the latter offer.

4. I've started cycling again.
After a year off cycling, I've jumped back on my bike. It felt good, if I could ignore my set of aching buttocks. Let me show you what I mean with the following few pictures:



When we send people to the moon, I sure hope they're not sitting on these seats.

Note: the buttocks depicted above are NOT mine.
Side note two: why does statue of liberty look like a guy?



Permalink 05:25:31 am, Categories: News, 261 words   English (US)

Life... and the eternal urge to have my own blog site...

Let the world rejoice! My own blog site! Cue opening speech:

I could start by thanking everyone for visiting and saying how overdue this has been. But I know if I used that as my main topic of discussion, you'd all think I'm a pussy and never come back again. So instead I shall start with an in depth dissection of the site name. As per, the definition of the word 'bachelor' is as follows:

1. an unmarried man.
2. a person who has been awarded a bachelor's degree.
3. a fur seal, esp. a young male, kept from the breeding grounds by the older males.
4. Also called bachelor-at-arms. a young knight who followed the banner of another.
5. Also called household knight. a landless knight.

Wow, what a wealth of learning experience you say. You didn't know about the poor psychologically castrated young seal did you? Worthy of a disney movie really. Anyway, I digress. All definitions are, fortuitously or there lack of, currently quite applicable to my life at the present time; though I am currently working on 3 and 5 at the moment, so neither should be an issue in the future should my plans for world domination comes to fruition. After all, whats life without a gorgeous Swedish farm girl with fake implants at your side, whilst commanding tracks and tracks of land and imposing compulsory revenue from its peasant inhabitants?

Hint of the Day: spell check your blogs. Spelling mistakes corrected = 3

Please also visit should your liberal-thinking tastebuds feel unloved.


Christchurch Bachelor

Ever wanted to gnaw your way into the deep, dark recess of your typical Christchurch Bachelor? Knaw no more my good visitor! For here lies the answer for your every inkling and festering question. Read... for your answers lie within...

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